The construction on my roof

A few months ago, I walked through the entrance of my building and saw a notice. "Roof repairs will be being conducted throughout June. We apologize for any inconvenience.

I didn't think much of it, they'd been doing a lot of work around my neighbourhood, the only time it had been an inconvenience to me is when I had to shut my window to shut out the sound of landscapers at 9 a.m. When the roofers began working, they started on the side of the building opposite mine. It wasn't so bad.

I work nights, so I usually "sleep in" pretty late. But starting about a week ago, I was awoken suddenly by a loud bang, so forceful it shook the walls around me. In a sleepy haze I attributed it to people moving in next to me. The bangs got louder and more frequent, I started thinking these people were just straight going to destroy their house before they even moved in.

Then all of a sudden, it sounded like they were IN my place. That got me out of bed, wandering my house with my samurai sword (looking pretty cool). I stumbled round, looking for robbers to fight. Then I figured it out, these sounds were ABOVE me. The roofers!

My ninja repellent

Now I'm woken up every day  by them, I can honestly say that fixing a roof sounds almost the exact same way as if you were kicking the shit out of the roof. I expect to hear them yell "Fuck this roof!" as they smash it particularly hard. Every time I'm in a skype call people think my room mates are in a fight to the death.

I can't really complain though. The hallway outside my place had water damage and the ceiling was getting pretty bad. So I wish the roofers good luck. Although I wish they WERE ninjas just so that they did it quietly.

Betty Crocker- Buying your cooking utensils at the dollar store, you get what you pay for

So my room mates are moving out. As they begun to slowly transfer their belongings to their new place, I came to a frightening realization: I don't own anything of value. Once they leave, I'll have no way to prepare food other than an oven and some elements. No pots, no pans, no cookie trays, nothing.

So being the frugal (cheap) and enterprising (lazy) individual I am, I checked out the local Dollarama to see what I could get for some cheap cookware. They only had one brand, Betty Crocker, so I picked up a pan for $3 and some bowls to tide me through the next couple days.

Betty Crocker is not a real person. She's a brand, which is a good thing, because if she was a real person I would probably think she was the anti-christ for giving me a pan like this. Quite frankly, this pan is better used as a bludgeoning weapon than as a cooking instrument.

First of all, the heat is so wildly uneven it barely makes sense. You'd think that an element that produces even heat would translate well if another surface of similar size came into contact with it. I cooked an egg on this bad boy. The heat was so uneven that the egg under the yoke stayed clear while the edge burned. In the space of a few inches the pan went from a heat that can't cook an egg to a heat that burns them to a crisp.

I tricked my girlfriend into making pancakes with it and by the end she was furious. Our pancakes were either uncooked or burnt. You'd flip one and half of it would still be liquid.

The non-stick surface is about as tough as a newborn baby. Here's the wear and tear on it after we cooked on it twice, with a rubber spatula. It was touched with no metal.

No, this pan did not recently get mugged. 

This looks like I went at this bitch with a knife, but in reality the coating just comes off with the slightest of touch. When I was taking pictures I noticed the bottom of the pan as well.

The pan is burnt. Let that sink in.

The bottom is BURNT. Wut. It's only purpose in life is to be placed onto heat sources. I didn't cook my meals on lava, this thing should be able to withstand the heat of an element.

All in all, a terrible purchase. If I had a time machine I would go back and smack the shit out of past me before I bought this.